There are times in my life where I feel so worn out. So defeated. So worthless. It kind of sucks.
Thankfully, everyone else around me feels exactly the same.
A friend of mine came up to me yesterday at youth group and asked if she could speak with me. I agreed. She went on to tell me how her goal in life was to be an encouragement and she felt like she wasn’t making a difference.
She went on to say how she had been beating herself up—metaphorically, of course—for not daily reading her Bible, and how God felt so very far away. She couldn’t feel him.
“What is your secret?” She asked me, “I look at you and you look so put together. Always happy, always smiling.”
I replied by saying, “That’s funny, I always look at you and think how put together you are.”
My point: None of us are put together.
- I don’t read my Bible either somedays. To be honest with you, it’s been about a week.
- Yesterday morning I was in tears because a doctor appointment didn’t go the way I wanted it too. I had to put on more makeup to try and cover my swollen eyes.
- Sometimes I just want to ask God what he was thinking when he put me on this earth.
- Sometimes I don’t feel God near me.
But I’ve learned something.
- God doesn’t need me to read my Bible every single day. He just wants my heart and to know I love him. Of course he wants me to read my Bible, but he’s not going to strike me down when I miss a few days. It’s the heart attitude that matters. Ultimately, all God wants from me and everyone else is to trust and follow him.
- Jesus had his bad days when he cried too. Disappointments come in life. It’s a given. If you’re not facing any disappointments or hard times in your life, then give it a few days. They will come. Jesus cried over death, and sin, and pain. It’s hard, and he gets that. It is okay to fall apart. The key is not to sin in our dark times.
- God has a reason for putting me on this earth, even if it’s a small reason. He always has a purpose. We may never know what it is, but we must grow in faith and understand this. He uses the sin and the pain that we as humans have truly brought upon ourselves and turns it into something beautiful. When I go through hard times, it helps me to know that one day I could change a life through it all.
- Life isn’t about feeling God. It’s about having a relationship. This is actually a big one. I don’t know how many people I have heard talk about how they can’t feel God. Think of God as your best friend. My best friend is always there for me. In the good times we laugh, talk, and have a good time. We sit next to each other and I can’t feel her but I know she’s there right next to me. Hard times hit and I pour my heart out to my best friend and she tells me that everything is going to be okay and gives me a hug. In that embrace, I can feel her arms around me. God is the same way. I may not feel him in the times where we are just hanging out and enjoying life, but I certainly will feel that embrace when he holds me in troubled times.
My all time favorite verse is 1 Corinthians 1:26-31:
26 Remember, dear brothers and sisters, that few of you were wise in the world’s eyes or powerful or wealthy[g] when God called you. 27 Instead, God chose things the world considers foolish in order to shame those who think they are wise. And he chose things that are powerless to shame those who are powerful. 28 God chose things despised by the world,[h] things counted as nothing at all, and used them to bring to nothing what the world considers important. 29 As a result, no one can ever boast in the presence of God.30 God has united you with Christ Jesus. For our benefit God made him to be wisdom itself. Christ made us right with God; he made us pure and holy, and he freed us from sin. 31 Therefore, as the Scriptures say, “If you want to boast, boast only about the Lord.”
I love how He doesn’t use people who are strong and powerful to do His will but those who seem to be impossible to use. He can literally use anything He wants too. That is incredible, and it humbles me. I am nothing, yet God can bring me and my skills into something worthwhile, something important.
I don’t want to waste my life. I want God to use it for everything he created it to be.
- If that means being a starving artist. Bring it on.
- If that means living on the street. Bring it on.
- If that means living with health problems the rest of my life. Bring it on.
It’s okay because I am only here for a short time.
I love this quote by Erma Bombeck. She says:
“When I stand before God at the end of my life I would hope I would not have a single bit of talent left and I could say, I used everything he gave me.”
I think it sums this all up nicely.
I may not know what God is trying to do in my life or anyone else’s, but what I do know is that he is doing something. I need to have the faith to accept that and live accordingly.
God wants our hearts and to be able to use us. We have to make ourselves available for that no matter the cost.