So many times in my life I want to question God. I want to scream until my voice goes hoarse.
Why are you doing this to me? Don’t you know I can’t handle this?
And His answer comes back in a simple whisper.
My daughter, my sweet Grace, don’t you know that I can handle this?
And it’s so hard to let Him handle it. I want to hold on. My heart bleeds, and I cry. All I can see are the shattered pieces around me.
God put me in a world I can’t handle. A confusing world. A world that seeks to destroy. A world that has no hope. Yet, Jesus tells me there is a hope. He told me it would not be easy and I said, “I still want you.”
When life hits me with a truck, and my body aches. When I can’t stop crying, and I feel like I can’t take one more step… Jesus reminds me of what He did for me. He understands my pain. He knows what I’m going through. He wants me to cry on His shoulder and wants to comfort me. Because He loves me.
Jesus loves me.
He will give me what I can’t handle. What I can’t comprehend. What I can’t control. But one thing remains.
His love never fails, it never gives up, and it never runs out on me.
And it’s up to me on what I do with that.
I don’t want to deal with it. I don’t want to remember most of this week. And I don’t have too. But is that what Jesus wants from me?
Does He want me to try and forget my pain only to fall deeper into it?
He says, “Give it to me, let me handle it, or you can keep trying to handle it yourself.”
It’s up to me, and I want Jesus. I want Him to take my tears and turn them into something that takes the tears off another person’s eyes. I want Him to use me. I don’t want to go through trials in life without purpose. What kind of life is that? To live without joy? A miserable one.
So I give my trials to Him because there is no good in holding onto them. There is no good in keeping them tucked in the back of my head. I have to let Him show my the Joy in the midst of my misery.
I may not know why God is making me hike up a mountain, and maybe I will never know. However, I do know that it doesn’t matter. All that matters is whether I am giving my all to Jesus, not only in the good times, but also in the bad and the worst.
God is giving me what I cannot handle, and He always will.
God gives me what He can handle. For when I am weak, He is strong.