About 3 years ago, my life started in a downward spiral filled with 4 major car accidents, 5 different cars, and it all ending in Post Traumatic Stress.
My life has been full of questions for God.
Why does He put me through this? Is He angry? Am I doing something wrong? What am I supposed to do, wait to be slammed into by another person not paying attention? Why did I feel so alone?
All while this has been going on, I began to be badgered into going to Latin America. I said I would pray about it… but let me assure you, I was not praying about it. I kept being asked though. Every time I turned around it seemed missions were coming up. The college pastor even called me. He answered ever single one of my questions. Took away all my excuses.
I remember finally giving up and saying I would pray about it… for real.
So I went on the trip.
I was still reserved, but after the first couple of days embraced the country and grew to love the people.
Every day I went door to door. Sharing the gospel and watching as almost every person we spoke to give their life to Christ.
On the second to last day, we went to this one house. The whole family were Christians already.
Everyone, except the father.
He sat in a wheelchair and listened to me share the gospel. He responded by telling me that he congratulated my faith. He even respected my courage to go share with Him and so many others. He said, he knew this was the purpose of every life: To go and share the gospel with all the nations.
He followed this quote up with, “I don’t want to accept Christ though.”
I remember just staring at this man in front of me. Why not? If he was so in love with Christians and God… why not? What could I say to that?
I turned to my interpreter, Lili, unsure of what to do.
“Ask him why… I guess,” I said to her. She complied and the man left the room saying he needs to grab something… he didn’t answer my question.
I turn back Lili. She shrugged and began talking with the man’s wife.
This wife began telling us how the man used to be a police officer—a very good police officer—but there was an accident, and now he was paralyzed. They struggled to stay afloat and keep feeding themselves with the little money they had. The woman said that her husband wasn’t angry, but she couldn’t say he wasn’t bitter.
When the man came back, words came tumbling out of me. I began to spill out my story.
“Like you are handicapped in your legs, I am handicapped in my mind. We are the same really,” I said.
I went on to describe the car accidents. The constant fight or flight mode I find myself in. The fear I’m dealing with every hour of the day. I told Him how lonely I feel in it sometimes.
But I said, it’s not all bad because every step I take, God is taking it with me.
Every time I am struggling to take a breath, He breathes it for me.
Every time I feel like I won’t come out of the water, he reaches down and pulls me onto dry land.
He’s using this for His ultimate plan for us to love God and love others… all the while spreading the gospel.
I finished and he said he wanted to accept Jesus into his heart, but he wanted to tell me something before we prayed.
He went on to tell me about the first car accident he was in, the second car accident he was in, the third, and to the final 4th car accident. The one where he lost the use of his legs.
I just stare at him.
He had been in 4 accidents too.
I thought I was alone in my problems and situation, but God took me to Cuba and showed me that I wasn’t alone.
Of all the people who went on that trip, it was no coincidence that I was given that house.
I was pushed by God to go on this trip for a bigger reason than I could have ever guessed.
I’ve learned that God doesn’t ever place us anywhere. He doesn’t open a door without a reason and he loves to see his children receive eternal life in the midst of all of it.
I dragged myself onto the plane to Latin America not wanting to leave my winter break, but by the end I was dragging myself back into North America.
God spoke so clearly into my life in so many ways. I can’t wait to see how He continues to grow me and use everything I learned in Latin America in the United States.
Romans 8:38-39For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.